Be Right Back

Maybe it’s just me, but I’m starting to realize this new thing they call parenthood is like a strong cocktail (mmm Crown good). Pour yourself into a completely unfamiliar, life-changing situation, add a shot of sheer terror, splashes of apprehension and self-doubt, and a twist of disarray…then top it off with about a liter of exhaustion. Doesn’t matter how you shake it, stir it, or blend it, the result is inevitably going to be intoxicating – and I don’t mean “we’re going streaking” intoxicated, more like zoned out damn near zombie feeling (without the eating people part).

We have not been exempt to this feeling and it’s taking its toll, particularly in the wallet. On multiple occasions I’ve made trips to the store and made purchases that were either impulsive and unneeded (made out of panic), excessive (Hannah only has one mouth), or just flat-out the wrong item. One example, Hannah was scratching her face a bunch because, you know, she has the motor control of a drunken seal, so I insisted that she needs 400 shirts with the hand covers on them and when she’s wearing short sleeves she needs mittens on. I can’t have my baby looking like Scarface. I went to Target and bought a bunch of stuff, but within a couple of hours her nails were trimmed and she wasn’t touching her face nearly as much. Also, Sam thought they were like putting Hannah in little restraints (to Sam’s defense, Hannah disliked them as well). The mittens are now moot.

Countless times and at all hours I’ve found myself standing in the baby section at Meijer or WalMart or Target, staring at stuff trying to decide if we have enough of this, will that solve a particular problem, asking a worker “excuse me, where’s the sleep gun they had on Green Hornet?” When you’re on a couple of hours of sleep you really don’t care how much something is or whether it’s completely necessary, you’re just thinking about how you can get home to make your baby (and wife) happy and squeeze in another hour or two of sleep.


July 10, 2012. Tags: , , , , , . Observations and musings.


  1. Heather replied:

    Jake, your words inspire and ring so true for all parents out there. So many memories return for me. I can’t wait to read more. Keep writing, you have a true talent. It made me cry, laugh, and reminisce. Good luck in this amazing adventure.

  2. Wendy replied:

    Jake, Your passion for fatherhood clearly shows in your writings. Hannah and Sam are two very lucky women. Thank you for allowing us to all read and be a part of your amazing and quite entertaining journey.

  3. Joan replied:

    Keep up the writing, Jake. I think a book might be in order. You truly have a gift!

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