I’m going to need a Chiropractor

Why didn’t anyone tell us babies have a 6th sense? Actually, I think they have a 7th, 8th, 9th…we may not give them enough credit…however, the one I’m referring to is their sense of elevation. Despite the experts warning us to not get into the habit of rocking/swaying/jostling our baby to sleep, as any parent can attest, sometimes you just don’t have a choice. At some point everyone’s gotta get some shut eye, no matter how it happens (if you’re desperate you can always call Dr. Conrad Murray…just make sure you take away his cell phone). While there are not too many things I love more than holding Hannah in my arms and cuddling her as she drifts off, I’m afraid I’m doing irreparable damage to my spine. What I mean is, I can be standing and moving around while holding her and she’ll doze off, but unless she is completely zonked, whenever I sit down her eyes pop open like she just received a shot of adrenaline. If I don’t hop up immediately and remain seated she’s certain to complain. If I get up and move around she’ll fade back into sleepytown. Sit back down. She’s awake. Stand back up. Back to sleep. I’m like yo-yo. Even if I’m careful not to change my hand position or her angle, no matter if I keep her moving and covered (or uncovered if that’s her current preference); I even hold my breath and stifle my sneezes…I could be balancing a dictionary on my head I’m moving so carefully…it never fails that she knows I just got slightly less uncomfortable and she’s not having that. “Sorry Dad, I know your back feels like it’s being stabbed in 20 places with a hot knife, but I’m going to need you to go ahead remain standing for another 20-30 minutes. Thank you for your cooperation.”

Now, I really shouldn’t complain, because Sam spends all day doing this dance with Hannah, and combined with the bi-hourly hunched over breastfeedings, her discomfort likely far surpasses mine. However, I’m a wuss. Also, I really need to pace myself, because I know my future fatherly duties are going to consist of daily lifting, throwing, tossing, flipping and horseback riding (me being the horse) and she’s not getting any lighter.


July 28, 2012. Tags: , , , , . Observations and musings.

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